Self-Love (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

I saw a funny meme on Facebook the other day. It said something like “Who masturbates for pleasure anymore? We do it to go to sleep!”. It was one of those “it’s funny because it’s true” moments. I mean I do still masturbate because I’m horny & I want to orgasm, but I haven’t made love to myself in some time. I think we all can agree that there’s a difference between fucking and making love, and I would like to get back to making love to myself. It’s one of my goals for 2020: regular lovemaking sessions.

How am I even defining making love? I know it’s not about time, because I’ve had long, long jill off sessions, and routinely use my breathing to head off orgasm. And I’ve had extended fucking sessions with another person, but it was still just fucking.  I’ve even fucked people I was in love with, still different from making love to them.

I often think of making love as slower, but that’s not it only. It’s about being fully present with yourself, your own body, and being fully present with your partner & your partner’s body. There’s a sense of reverence involved, a sense of gratitude that this exquisite being trusts you with their body, psyche, and soul, and a commitment to live up to that trust. There’s a listening both with your ears, and with your whole body, to what their body is telling you. There’s a communication without words between the bodies (as well as verbal communication). There’s a heady scent of a joint adventure.

It’s this reverence, this sense of gratitude that’s missing from my masturbation sessions. I’m present with my body but not as present as I could be. I have fallen into a rut, rarely trying new things.  Oh God, I’m experiencing Solo Lesbian Bed Death! I didn’t even know it was a thing! But it sounds familiar right? You’ve been with someone long-term, and the adventure & fire goes out of your lovemaking, rofl. So going into 2020 I vow to do more “solo lovemaking” rather than just jerking off before sleep. To touch myself the way I touch someone I’m deeply in love with, to savor & delight in my own sounds & smells.

So how about you? Do you touch yourself the way you touch someone you love? Do you touch yourself the way your lovers touch or have touched you? Do you make love to yourself? Do you touch yourself with reverence, with gratitude? Do you listen to your own sounds? When was the last time you tasted yourself?

You are your first & longest lover & you should never take yourself for granted.