The Guilt Of Privilege

I write this in my sixth month in a little town in Central America that I feel very drawn to, that I'm actually contemplating a permanent relocation to. And I feel guilty.

I feel guilty because I on my worst days I believe whole-heartedly  that the US cannot be saved; that it is descending into vortex of hate and violence, greed and incompetence, selfishness & ignorance that it cannot recover from. It’s not that those things haven't always existed in this country but that the current Administration has made it so this the government is no longer pretending that it's not killing off the “undesirables” (Black, Indigenous and other People of Color; the disabled; the poor;  immigrants; queers, etc etc) and is just flat-out gearing up for a live version of The Purge, only one that happens 365, 24/7. And I feel guilty because I have the privilege to escape that battleground when so many of my people can’t.

On the one hand I've been joking about fleeing the US since Bush the first was elected & on the other hand I was also one of those people screaming at White liberals who kept talking about how they were going to immigrate to Canada if Trump was elected; saying how dare you indulge in your privilege like that, how dare you focus on your own survival, what about all the people who can't leave? And now I'm in that space where I know that I can't stay in this country & thrive. Even if Trump is not president in 2021 the environment that bred him & the sheer naked hate he encourages White people to unmask is so strong that I feel like it might take lifetimes to undo the situation and it doesn’t feel that there are enough people committed to this task. I cannot breathe when I’m in the US, an invisible weight on my chest that I wasn’t even conscious of until I left, and felt like I could take a full breath for the first time in years. (and yes, I am aware of the irony of a Breathwork Instructor feeling unable to breathe fully).

I’m more inspired here, I eat better here, I cook more often here, I do more writing here, I go out more, I put my body in Oshun’s healing waters more. The only thing I’m not doing more here is making videos (between the dogs & the roosters I cannot find a quiet enough time & I don’t have the gear or technical know-how to mask the noise), and getting enough sleep (I have insomnia when I’m in “new” places by myself). I hate to say it, but Life is simpler here.

So then the question is--as it always is for those with privilege--how am I going to use my privilege in service to Justice and that's a question I'll be figuring out the answer to for many months to come.